Last week I was at the grocery store in the check out line, when a man in line in front of me got into a bit of a confrontation and then proceeded to start cursing. My immediate mental response was “there are ladies present.” Which is beyond odd for me to think, to say the least. But the experience did give me pause to consider where that knee jerk reaction came from. My husband and I discussed the incident and I was reminded of when we first married and the vows that I took, particularly to obey him. At the ripe old age of twenty, the vow was hard to accept. It was further exacerbated when the ceremony also included a reading from Ephesians 5:22-25, that wives should submit to their husbands. I was not in the least bit interested in being submissive to an authoritarian husband, I had been raised by a single mother after seeing what an abusive father looked like and saw absolutely no need for such so-called leadership in my own home. Fast forward almost ten years and I am beyond thankful for the leadership of my husband as the head of our home and the gift of submitting to him.
In today’s society, submitting is nearly impossible for women. We buck against any sort of harness that we label as patriarchal or misogynistic, while proclaiming a staunch ownership over our bodies that justifies any and all actions. I don’t want to negate that women over time have definitely suffered many injustices and have been disqualified and underestimated solely on the basis of gender. I agree with feminism that women are equal to men in dignity and deserve equal respect, that’s a boat I bought a lifelong pass to ride. The problem comes in the way in which we attempt to reclaim our dignity. Too often we see women screaming that they will not be enslaved to men any longer, then immediately turning to a hook up culture or immodest dress and actions all under the guise of a liberated self-mastery. Ladies, stop for a second and recognize that you have not freed yourself by having a one night stand with a man who will not remember your name in the morning, you have not become more independent by sending a nude picture to a man who will then show it to his friends. You have played into the hands of sexism even more. You have become and object for pleasure, rather than the vibrant beautiful human that you were created to be. By “being your own woman” you have become a man’s Kleenex, something to be used and immediately thrown away for the next. There is no liberty in this cycle, there is only shame and self-hate. We are better than this. YOU are better than this.
On the other hand, our society has perverted the idea of marital submission into two basic camps: abuse and sadomasochism. Many believe that by submitting to a husband you give over your free will and mindlessly follow every dictate that a man lays down, likely out of ignorance to “how the world really works.” Don’t get me wrong, some men are terrible leaders of their homes and are abusive, I would like to call on men to stand up and make this the definite minority of men. Men never have an excuse to be abusive to their wives. But submitting to your husband does not cause men to be abusive any more than the argument that women walking to their car cause rapists to attack them. Both situations involve an innocent person, no matter their background or what they are wearing or any other factor, and someone committing a crime and more importantly a mortal sin. But God’s Word tells us as women to submit to our husbands. I’ve already established abuse is sin and God’s plan never coincides with sin. The other option that society sees for submission is a Fifty Shades of Grey, hypersexualized perversion of God’s plan. This is a particular gift of the enemy to take something good in God’s plan and change it just enough that it becomes sinful without looking wholly different enough to be completely rejected. Somehow though, women today are walking the tightrope of ultra-feminism but with an obsessive interest in being dominated by a man who has to be told what “limits” are. Once again women are not liberating themselves by “taking charge” of their sexuality by participating in or fantasizing about these relationships. This is not the submission that St. Paul had in mind in his letter to the Ephesians.
If we need further proof that our “my body, my rights” movement is backfiring, we don’t have to look far. A song that is popular on social media, especially Tik Tok, is “My Truck” by Breland. In the song, the artist states all of the things that the listener can take or use of his, but never his truck. In the song, women become equivalent to liquor and shoes, so far though beneath a hunk of metal. Oh how far we modern women have come! (insert sarcasm). We have become another object on the list of useful things rather than the partner and completion to humanity that we were made to be. Pope St. John Paul II in his “Letter to Women” states “It is only through the duality of the ‘masculine’ and the ‘feminine’ that the ‘human’ finds full realization.” This is what God planned and what St. Paul intended when he called wives to submit to their husbands. That women inherently desire to help and serve is seen time and again, but that does not for a second take away an ounce of their dignity. Submission is the most beautiful aspect of femininity, we anticipate needs and care for others above ourselves daily in a way that men can’t. It doesn’t take away anything from a woman to recognize that they have specific and complementary talents to men, it reaffirms God’s creation and plan for our lives.
We are all, male and female, called to submit to God as followers of Christ, we must hear the will of the Lord and be willing to act in accordance. That is difficult for everyone, but there is a key to understanding both submission to God as well as to a husband. Free will. To remove free will from either situation, is to allow for abuse or mindless robotics. God did not create us and give us all of salvation history and send His most beloved son to earth to die for us so that we could be mindless pawns in His plan. God wants you to freely surrender your entire self, most especially your heart, to Him. He wants you to submit to His will out of love for him, not out of fear for the next strike. In the same way, marriage calls us to mimic the love of God for us and wives are asked to submit and to surrender to their husbands out of love. What that looks like can be different, but for me that means that my husband is the head of our home, particularly in the spiritual life. My husband takes his job of getting all of us to Heaven very seriously, constantly checking in on where we are and what he needs to do to support us without hindering our free will to make mistakes, but with open arms to forgive. He also takes his vows very seriously that I am now his, not as another piece of property equal to a piece of furniture, but that I am his responsibility and an innate part of his being through the irrevocable bond of marriage. He takes seriously any threats to take away something that is his, as a shepherd would keep away wolves from his sheep, whether that be physical, emotional, or spiritual threats. I know that not all women are blessed with a wonderful husband, and for those of you who are not, I’m sorry. For those of you that are married to a holy husband, let us loudly proclaim it in our society, help other women to recognize that they do not have to settle for worldly men and they do not have to compromise their God given nature. Let’s be the truest form of feminists possible, calling for a return to God’s design for women.
The Bapticatholic 